unearthing

A friend wrote today, checking in, seeing how things are going and asked the big question," had I taken any space to chill out from the season yet?"
It was so cool to be able to report back that yes, indeed, I have been taking it totally easy! Family dinners, weekend adventures, home schooling with the kids, baking, reading...all things homey and relaxing that should leave me feeling grounded, happy and content.

Life is CRAZY during the flower season. Already looking back I'm in awe of how we did it all. How on earth did I keep my head on straight amidst so much chaos?! And with a smile no less!
I blew it on quite a few things, more than I would have liked to but damn I sure tried to keep all of the balls in the air! My poor brides always had to wait a little too long for response emails, my kiddos tucked themselves into bed more times than are cool and I ate standing up or walking for three months straight... but we made it through, we survived and now it's time to settle in, reconnect and reflect.

Truthfully, I've been kinda freaking out since life returned to a normal pace. It's been tough to recalibrate to the new, incredibly slower speed. To the new incredibly slower...me.
I had no idea how much of my identity has been tied to being a freight train, barreling ahead at a 100 miles an hour all of the time. Who am I if I slow down? What do I want to spend my days, my life doing? Who the hell am I anymore anyway?!

Yeah, it's been super ugly! But as I dig through the layers, work through all the surfacing fears and blocks that have been laying dormant all season, I'm finding some amazing things. Belief systems are getting reworked, my direction is becoming clearer and clearer and my personal mission is finally coming into form.

What if I could have the life that I dream of? What if I could be the real me, not just at home, in private, but all of the time? What if I stopped hiding and really started playing full out in my life?
Fuuuuuuuck, these questions make me squirm like crazy!!! But I just can't go another round, another season, another year bullshitting myself. I have to jump off the cliff. I have to start living as if this is actually MY life.

From past experience I know this raw, humiliating, brutal, ugly digging is where I unearth the very best part of myself. The parts that have been hiding for a lifetime.
What if life is just one big treasure hunt and the gold that we seek is actually all of the lost pieces of ourselves? What if there is nothing "out there" to get or to have, only fragments of ourselves to reclaim and rediscover?

 The clock is ticking. We only have one life.
 I am ready. It is time.

There have been a handful of wonderful gifts that have crossed my path these past weeks. If you too are in need of some inspiration be sure to follow the links given for each.
Books: Start With Why by Simon Sinek, Mans Search For Meaning by Victor E. Frankl
Illusions by Richard Bach and Earth Time Moon Time by Annette Hinshaw
Videos: The Calling by David McLain    What I have to Offer by Charlie Kaufman